Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
