he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
