it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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