I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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