so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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