I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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