i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
