thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just high enough for therapy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
