YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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