in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
