Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need moral support for this bender
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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