my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
