I wanna passion pit in your ass
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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