I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
