would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
