I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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