Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
