I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
