fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
