She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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