then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
