It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My pussy is not your playground.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
