i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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