i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he thought i was a dude.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
how drunk are you?
Several
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
