sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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