Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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