Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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