$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
