I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
