hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
