so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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