I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
