I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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