well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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