There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
