Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
