guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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