Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
