the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
