im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
