A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
