Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Less talking, more tequila
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
