Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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