i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
