I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
