Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
