It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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