I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do vagina's smell?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
