upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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