so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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