He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
