I should be sponsored by Trojan
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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