her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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