They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
