So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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