no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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