Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
