she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
