...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
