Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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