i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The struggles of a small town man whore
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
