; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize