I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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