if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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