Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
