You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
