all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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