What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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