I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize