Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
