were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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