I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
