i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
