i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
