; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
