I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
