Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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