Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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