I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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