I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
